I went to church yesterday and literally felt nothing. It was a beautiful Easter service and the congregation was rejoicing, smiling, crying and praising God with real and raw emotion. I felt empty. I reflected on this while driving home and began to feel really horrible about myself. Why is it that I can hear the story of what Jesus did for me on the cross and still feel nothing? Does it mean I'm a bad person? A weak Christian? Disconnected from God?
By the time I got home I came to this conclusion: I'm living my life and believing in Jesus based on knowing He is real, not always feeling He is real and I'm okay with this. Maybe I don't cry everytime I hear about His death, but it doesn't mean I appreciate His sacrifice any less. Maybe there are days, weeks, even years when I feel disconnected from God's presence, but this doesn't mean he's left me or changed his mind about it. He loves me even when I don't feel Him. And I really do love Him, especially for that!
1 comment:
This is really encouraging. I can definitely relate; It's challenging sometimes, especially during things like SOAR to not feel almost guilty when you're not expressing emotions the same way as everyone else. But it's so true that God doesn't think any less of us and I love that about him :)
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