Every Last Bit

When I lived at home I loved teasing my mom about her music choices.  It's not that they were bad, but definitely not always my taste.  One of the artists she liked was by CeCe Winans, a gospel singer who wrote a song called "Alabaster Box".  I used to play that song and sing as dramatically as I could, into the handle of a broom as I cleaned the kitchen, or over the drone of the vacuum during Saturday morning chores.  Well a few days ago, the song came back to me (the power of music hey?) after 10 years and God spoke to me through it.

On Friday I had a really tough day at work and got home feeling pretty miserable.  And as I was trying to relax and unwind, these lyrics from CeCe Winans song came back to me:  

"And I've come to pour my praise on Him like oil from Mary's Alabaster Box
Don't be angry if I wash His feet with my tears and I dry them with my hair."

As I started to sing these words, God showed me a picture of a bottle with one inch of oil remaining in the bottom of it...sorta like this:

And he said to me, "Heather this is you.  I want you to pour out ALL your praise to me...don't hold anything back!"   
Immediately I felt defensive and thought, "That looks like a lot already! Is it so bad to just hold back a little, to keep myself safe and comfortable?!?"  
But He persisted and suddenly I was convicted of the fact that I have been holding back from God.  I've been giving Him almost all of my time, energy, attention and praise, but I've been holding back just enough to keep me from feeling empty.  And the area I've been holding back in is my worship.

And then He said, "When you keep that last little bit on reserve, you actually limit me from being able to fill you up in a new way...I can't put new wine in an old wine skin."   
It was then I realized this: If I insist on keeping a little bit held back, I actually keep myself from being filled to overflowing with new love, new energy, new creativity and new inspiration from God.

The best part of all of this was that God wasn't asking me to DO more for Him.  He's asking me to love Him more, praise Him more and spend more time with Him.  In some ways this is even harder than doing more, but it feels like a breakthrough for me.  I've been feeling so dry for so long and I think I'm realizing why...I've been keeping a little back to try and protect myself, and in the end I've limited the new things that God wants to show and give me.  

Today I want to come before Him and pour it all out, like the woman with the Alabaster Jar.  She spared no expense, but poured out all of that which was most valuable to her on the feet of Jesus, and I believe she was filled anew because of it.

"When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them...Jesus said 'Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.'" Luke 7: 37&44