We drove out of the parking lot and onto the street. I grabbed my purse and opened the side pocket which always held my phone, but it wasn't there.
"Can I use your phone babe?" I reached for his Blackberry.
"Sure."
After finishing my call I commented on how nice the phone was compared to the cheap-o I have.
"Ya Blackberry's are nice, but not as nice as ipad's, I mean, ipods...u phones". We both laughed as he struggled to remember the right name.
"iphones?"
"That's the one."
In that moment I was reminded again how selfish our society has become. Everything, even the name of the most popular cell phones, computers and mp3 players, is all about "I" rather than "You".They're not called "you phones" for a reason.
It struck me in a particular way this morning as I've been working through some challenges with close friends. This past two months have been such a busy time for me, and as a result I have let down some important people in my life. The problem is, I've been focused on "I" and not "You". This is easy to do when our lives become busy, stressed, emotional, etc. However, as I mentioned in the last two posts, stress is not from God and worry is actually a sin. And the result of most sin is that it hurts not only the sinner, but the people around the sinner. That is what I'm experiencing.
A few of my friends don't feel loved because I've been too busy to show them care. That breaks my heart.
I don't want the relationships in my life to suffer because I'm not taking the time to give my burdens and worries to God. When was Jesus ever stressed to the point that relationships weren't his priority? Yes, he took time to rest, alone and away from the crowd, but he didn't focus on all of his own needs at the expense of the needs of his friends.
Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."
So you know yesterday's blog? Well, I was just put to test on the very thing I wrote about and not too sure I passed with flying colours.
Last week we bought a house. It's a little bigger than the one we have now and in a beautiful neighborhood. It's close to the river and a great park - a lovely place to walk the dog and eventually raise a family. The day we bought the house we also listed our current place and spent last week sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, painting and preparing for the Open House. Over 50 groups came through our place during the weekend and we were expecting several bids because of this. However, when it came time for the offers, it didn't exactly go the way we hoped...
"There's only one bid." Alex looked at me with his eyebrows raised, waiting for my reaction.
"Really?" I felt my heart sink. "Only one?"
We both looked at our realtor hoping for a sign that he was pulling a fast one on us.
"Yes, just one. Let's have a look at it shall we?" He opened the folded piece of paper and looked relieved. "It's not a bad offer." He slid the paper over and we looked at the numbers, doing quick math in our heads.
I felt the disappointment sink in a little deeper, like red wine soaking into a plush white carpet. It wasn't a terrible offer - in fact it was over our list price. However, it was lower than we were hoping or expecting. As we discussed and debated what to do I held back the tears threatening to make an embarrassing appearance. Such high hopes, and adjusting to the new information was proving to be difficult. In the end we took the offer and signed our little house over.
Later that evening Alex and I talked and he encouraged me that God was in control and would take care of all the details. I knew he wanted me to say it too - to speak my faith into being. But I just couldn't. I didn't say anything negative - but I missed the opportunity to speak life into being. As I said yesterday, I'm still learning. This morning I had the strength to speak the truth, but I hope next time I'm able to speak it at my lowest point, knowing the faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see.
I'll be the first to admit I've spoken these four deadly words on occasion (okay more than occasionally, but I'm working on it!). Especially considering this was my first year as a full time teacher, you can bet I told people I was stressed, busy, tired or just surviving when they asked "How are you really doing?". However, what if saying these four little words actually increases the stress in our lives? Would we still say them?
Proverbs 18:21 "The tongue has the power of life and death".
Spoken word is a powerful tool. Just look at the story of creation. How did God create? He spoke the world into being! "And God said, 'let their be light', and there was light." (Gen 1:1)
Even Jesus is referred to as the WORD of Godin the book of John: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning." (John 1:1)
All of these verses demonstrate the power of the spoken word. If the power of life and death is in our words, then what are we speaking over our lives on a regular basis?
When someone asks you how you are, are you speaking life of death over yourself? You may be thinking, "Well Heather, I'm just being HONEST with people!" I hear you. That's been my excuse for years too. I want to be honest...but if I'm being honest, that means I should be speaking truth right? And the truth isn't how I'm feeling now...the truth is who God says I am and the promises he has spoken over my life. So maybe a more HONEST answer if you're feeling overwhelmed would be "I'm in need of some rest or peace." Or maybe, "I'm depending on God for some strength, energy, motivation, inspiration".
The truth I want to be speaking over myself is that I am blessed and highly favored! I am more than a conqueror! If Christ is for me, who can be against me? God's strength is being made perfect in my weakness! Nothing is impossible with God! It may sound cheesy or cliche as it comes out of your mouth but ITS SPEAKING LIFE rather than death over your circumstances! If God spoke it into being and it was, and we carry the Spirit of God, then we too can speak life or death into being. So the next time you say "I'm stressed" think about what you are speaking into being.
"How old are you?" she asked incredulously. She leaned over the table towards me, searching for a single wrinkle or age spot that might give me away.
"Twenty six" I replied with a big smile - an attempt to hide my frustration.
"Well you look barely nineteen, and not old enough to be married!"
"Thanks!" I said brightly, "I'd rather look young than old!"
All weekend I had been questioned about my age and it was beginning to wear on me. For some reason, it felt like when they said I looked young, they were actually saying, "You're too young to be a writer, too young to be married, too young to be a high school teacher. You're not experienced, mature, prepared enough for all of that. How can you have anything to say?" Of course no one actually said that, but it was how I was beginning to feel.
I stepped out into the sun and allowed the rays to permeate the tight skin of my face, hoping a wrinkle or sun spot might suddenly appear and validate me as a woman. I wished I was 10 years older, a thought I can honestly say, I'd never had before. I thought back to an earlier conversation...
..."maybe you could see an image consultant and she could do your makeup to make you look older."
"Older?" I thought. "Isn't the whole point of wearing makeup to make you look younger?!?" I stared blankly at the women in front of me and felt the disappointment sink in.
Are we as women never good enough just the way we are? Or will we always feel too old, too young, too fat, too skinny, too athletic, too weak, too naive, too experienced, too loud, too quiet? Can't God use us right now, exactly the way he made us?
Guess what world, I'm not going to wait until I'm 35 to speak the truth of God's word! I'm not going to depend on a head of grey hair to give me credibility as a writer. I'm not going to start pursuing my dream after a mid-life crisis. I'm going to do it now. I will write and teach boldly as a 26 year old who looks like she's barely 18! I will speak the truth to both women and men, both young and old whenever God gives me the opportunity. I will not believe the lie from the enemy that I am somehow not good enough.
1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
Four years ago I read a book called "Can you Hear Me?" By Brad Jersak and it changed my life. It changed the way I prayed. It changed the way I "listened" for God's voice. It changed my perspective about intimacy with Jesus.
Last weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to hear Brad speak and it brought me back to the time in my life when I first started hearing God's voice on a regular basis. In fact, during his talk, he had us do some listening prayer exercises and I was once again amazed by how quickly God responded - but then again why should I be surprised right?
John 10:27 says "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."
We were asked to imagine ourselves in a "meeting place" with God. Mine is in a jungle by a waterfall which falls from 70 feet down into a pool surrounded by smooth stones kinda like this:
Where would your meeting place be?
The picture I saw last Friday evening was a bit different though. Jesus was sitting up in a tree like this:
He had a huge smile on his face, like he was almost laughing. I climbed up to join him and sat beside him on the branch. I asked him why he was smiling and instinctively I knew it was because he was excited for my future. He could see what was next and his smile assured me it was good. His eyes were serious and told me not to worry. And as I rested my head on his shoulder I felt his love and opened my eyes to his perspective.
The reason this picture was so significant is because just the day before I had resigned from my full time, permanent teaching position. Hearing and seeing this from God was exactly what I needed and brought me so much comfort.
Psalm 86:17 "Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me."
God wants to speak to us! Why not take some time today and ask him where he would meet you, and what He would say to you?
Well, the Jonah post will have to wait...here is an article I wrote for the October issue of SUSIE magazine on emotional purity. Leave your comments below!
The first time Claire fell in love she was seventeen years old. She met Carter while counseling at bible camp and he was fun, adventurous and loved God. Purity was important to her and she made a commitment to remain sexually pure in their relationship. However during their three-year relationship, the idea of emotional purity never crossed her mind. Maybe if it had, she wouldn’t have ended up with a broken heart.
When the word purity comes up it usually relates to the idea of physical or sexual purity. Many teens commit to purity and demonstrate it by wearing a ring or a necklace. The line, “true love waits” is well known among many Christian and non-Christian youth. Even celebs like the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus and Hillary Duff are showing off their purity rings! But what does it look like to be emotionally pure in a dating relationship? Is it even important? Is it something God cares about or mentions in His word?
Matthew 5:8 says, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”. What does it mean to be “pure in heart”? To understand this verse we need to clarify what the word “heart” means. In the bible, the heart often represents three things: our mind, will and emotions. This is where the idea of emotional purity comes from. God has actually called us to be pure in our emotions and what better place to start than in our dating relationships? What is more emotional than dating a guy?
When Claire fell for Carter, she set out clear physical boundaries for their relationship, but she didn’t set out any emotional boundaries. She wore her heart on her sleeve, sharing all of her deepest thoughts and feelings with him right away. This is very easy to do when a relationship begins because everything is so new and exciting. But if we want to remain “pure in heart”, we need to ask ourselves, “What is my motivation for sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with this person?” If our motivation is to push the relationship forward before its ready, or to find acceptance and belonging in a guy’s affirmation, maybe pouring our hearts out isn’t the best idea. In Claire’s situation, her motivation was rooted in insecurities about her value and identity that she wasn’t taking to God. When Carter ended the relationship, her heart was completely crushed because she did not guard it along the way.
Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life”. God knows our hearts are fragile which is why He instructs us to guard them as well as keep them pure. There are many ways to set up emotional purity boundaries in your dating relationship that could save you from a broken heart like Claire’s. Here are three of them:
1.Patience: Don’t Go too Far, too Fast
Though the phrase “too far, too fast” usually refers to the physical aspect of a relationship, these words can be applied to the emotional aspect as well. In fact, because every human is physical, emotional, mental and spiritual, it makes sense that all of these areas should be in balance with one another. If we reveal too much of our hearts too soon, its likely that we’ll end up feeling tempted to move forward physically too soon. So try to hold back – play a little hard to get. As the girl, you have the luxury of sitting back and allowing the guy to work for your affection! Most guys actually enjoy this challenge and when we put everything out there on the first date, we actually rob them of the experience of winning us over, or just scare them off. Every relationship is different, but a good way to stay in check is to ask your self, “Why do I want to reveal more of my emotions to this guy?” If your motivation comes from of a place of insecurity or impatience it’s probably a good idea to wait. In the case of Carter and Claire, she rushed ahead because she was impatient and wanted to control the relationship rather than trust God with it. There was even and small part of her that doubted he was really the guy God had for her, but she ignored that little voice and rushed ahead even faster because of it.
2.Growing Trust: Reveal More as You Trust More
Growing trust takes time and you can love someone without trusting them completely. I’ll say that again: You can love someone without fully trusting them. How is this possible? The bible instructs us to love everyone but it doesn’t instruct us to trust everyone. So as you grow in your dating relationship, just because you feel you love the person doesn’t mean you should trust them with your heart. Trust takes time. It’s built when your boyfriend tells you something about himself and then, over time, you actually observe that thing to be true in his life. Like when He tells you he’ll always be there for you, ask him to go with you to visit your Grandma in the hospital and see if he actually comes. When you see his character confirmed in the way he speaks and lives, trust begins to grow and as it grows more you can reveal more of your heart – your thoughts, feelings and dreams – knowing you are safe to do so. Carter told Claire that he was trustworthy, but she didn’t wait for him to show it in his actions before giving her heart to him. In the end, he wasn’t who he said he was and her heart was hurt because of it.
3.Hidden in God: Pursuing God while being Pursued
“A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her” ~Max Lucado. This quote by Max Lucado points out the most important thing we can do to remain emotionally pure – hide our hearts in God. But what does it mean to have a heart hidden in God? It means that our first priority, our number one goal is to know God more. It means we pour out our hopes, dreams, fears and doubts to Him first. It means we turn to God for comfort, assurance, security and purpose before turning to another. In doing this, we truly guard our hearts. God loves you more than any man, even your future husband, will be able to. He wants to speak words of affirmation, life and truth over you – words that will strengthen and protect your heart. It says in Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever”. God wants you to remain emotionally pure because He doesn’t want you to get hurt. But sometimes we do fail in this area and our hearts are broken like Claire’s was. Know that God can heal your broken heart and strengthen it once again if you bring it to Him. Two years after Claire’s relationship with Carter ended she met Jack. Jack was a godly young man who pursued Claire and treated her like the princess she was. But Claire didn’t rush ahead this time and because her heart was hidden in God, Jack had to pursue God in order to win her over. And when He did, she knew that no matter how much she loved Jack, she would always to go to God first, to be the strength of her heart and her portion forever.
